Love and Chauvinism

Posted: 23/07/2018 by zandtao in Education
Tags: ,

I have never fully confronted my chauvinism, and it is an important lack that I haven’t. Usually what I do is draw comparisons with racism which I believe I have quite a good handle on because of the great support I got from black people in my 20s. My shins got the racism kicked out of me – a reference to a time when I got kicked under the table in a pub by a quiet black friend who I was shamefully trying to antagonise – even though he was helping me.

One problem is how much sexual desire controls me, and this is different to racism in that the only difference between black and white is culture – pure systemic conditioning. People who claim any difference are simply applying cultural conditioning and putting it in a natural context. However there is a fundamental natural context that differs women from men, and that is far from being understood. As an aside I do however need to consider how my sexual preference relates to my understanding of racism. I prefer black women so I could never accept any form of inferiority because they were black, mind you that doesn’t stop the patriarchy from treating women as inferior.

I found this clip and listened to it briefly, and noted with some dismissal that there was a coming together of love and feminism – I will expand on that later. But before I really got to look into the clip I happened to watch the movie “The Girl from the Song” (imdb ref), a remake of the Orpheus and Eurydice myth. I felt such a deep empathy with the pain and frustration of the male character, it was like I had lived it. But at uni a big trip was from England to Wales, and I was afraid to go to Europe with the lads – more because I was afraid of missing out – let alone Nevada. After hitting bottom , I felt my time in London was plagued by a failed search for the cosmic – a mixture of love and the spiritual. In truth in my 20s lust was not the driving force although it was present, lust took over later when I had given up on the cosmic, and then lust and companionship particularly in Botswana, and finally just lust which is slowly waning with the ageing body but is still there in the mind.

After the search for the cosmic had been driven away by Peyton Place, there was only one time I ever felt the pain of love and rejection – not rejection unfulfilment with the Zim lady.

But the cosmic – love and spiritual – is what I related to in “The Girl from the Song”, and I note it might not have been a male fantasy as the writers were women – the director was male. 50 shades of grey was written by a woman, but as bell hooks points out in the imperialist white supremacist capitalist patriarchy it is all who are conditioned. For me my period of search for the cosmic was dominated by a deep sense of giving love but not receiving. However to be fair, in a relationship between two people it is so difficult to reach a detachment – an objective assessment. On reflection I always felt that I was giving out a deep and powerful love, a love that was probably perceived as all-consuming. In the film I could feel the love and fear of the insecure young male, Eric, the paradox of that possessive love in which he loved her free spirit but his fear wanted to control it. This sentence is what I want to take into consideration of this clip.

In my late 20s there was my first love. It was never destined but whilst this was not a powerful reason for separation I came away feeling that a home should not be the place where I became the object of anger because of the appendage between my legs, the anger was never personal is how I recall it. I watched a movie, “Something New”, with Sanaa Lathan and Simon Baker (the first time I watched it he did not have the feel of a white man to love such a black woman but the second time I did not notice that). In the storyline he walked out because she was giving him “the black stuff” all the time. She lived “black stuff” all the time so that is the price of loving a black woman. Isn’t “feminist stuff” a price I should have been willing to pay – a woman is a woman all the time? Yes, but I was too young. However I can never recall being the white skin that was the focus of black anger, but there is probably nothing to be drawn from that. Or maybe there is. Maybe there was an unspoken recognition in the black relationships that I had sufficiently come to terms with racism, but had not come to terms with sexism.

The clip begins with the lady, Sara, asking that there be some kind of therapy/encounter in which the men stand their ground and accept the rage of the woman – described as a 3-hour process. This has a positive ring as with the “shinning process”. At the end of this process the woman then makes the man an object of her unconditional love. There is a disjointed interaction. But then I have buts …

1) A woman can discharge her rage and a man sits there and accepts her pain.

I like this because the woman is able to discharge her pain body hopefully to a greater extent. One of the points of the exercise is for the man to be able to accept that he has been part of a toxic culture. The rage teaches the man that there is a toxic culture because of the justified anger. But beyond that, what does the man learn? In my own case I would want to know what aspect of me was part of that toxic culture, since I was being the object of non-personalised rage.

I am part of a racist culture because I am white, I am part of sexist culture because I am male, I am part of an oppressive culture because I am western and have the privileges associated with that as well. I am also arrogant at times so I am MAWP. But I have also spent all my life fighting these injustices. If you rage at me because of the system, I could sit and soak it up but then come away thinking how unjust the process was. However if I could be personally shown how I contributed then I could learn and change.

We all live in the conditioning of an imperialist white supremacist capitalist patriarchy. That conditioning applies to all of us. The woman who is raging, apart from lessening her pain body significantly, how much has she learnt about how the conditioning has affected her? bell says educating about patriarchy helps men, it does; it helps women as well. I don’t know the male statistic but 53% of white women voted for Trump. Is it also right to tell women who are satisfied with a home – what appears to be a natural drive/instinct – that they are weak and conditioned for wanting this? All people, I include myself, need educating about the conditioning they receive in the imperialist white supremacist capitalist patriarchy. When I watch the snowflake response to Trump-puppet baiting I just see conditioning – female as well as male.

I like to see that there is #MeToo awareness processes happening involving men and women but doesn’t this first stage need refining?

But this next stage is what concerns me with regards to Orpheus and Eurydice. Love is the presence or grace that is beyond conditioning – beyond the feminine and masculine. Love is most often spoken of in terms of relationships between women and men – appropriate gender relationships; but I understand that such explosive passions awaken love and that love can then be beyond the daily interactions. In Buddhist terms it is beyond atta – beyond the khandhas:-

What is the relationship of the feminine and masculine to the khandhas? Evidently there is a difference in body – rupa. Then there is yinyang, feminine in the masculine and vice versa. Are the feminine and masculine the same with regards to feelings – vedana, perceptions – sanna, and sankhara – mental actions? I think there is difference but it appears that many do not; but whilst I accept there is difference I do not accept inequality.

I think this discussion of love and khandhas is relevant to Sara’s second stage. Love is described by Sara as something that women do. Women try to control relationships by empowering their relationships with greater love, and then to keep themselves from getting hurt they withdraw love.

I do not know whether all women do this, I certainly accept that this is something that Sara has come into contact with – herself, friends or discussion groups. Because there is the toxic environment of patriarchy does not mean that some men do not love and that some men do not suffer pain. It would not be very positive for me to be raged against by women for not loving given the pain I have experienced through unrequited love.

But for myself this pain has been healing, the pain and experience has helped heal me from some of the toxic aspects of conditioning that comes from the imperialist white supremacist capitalist patriarchy. The pain and experience has helped me move beyond conditioning to love, presence, grace, sunnata, …

Sara doesn’t get her needs met. If the relationship is a loving relationship then those needs are khandhas that need to be mutually arrived at, two people have mutual needs.

Sara also doesn’t feel safe. I have never felt safe and now live alone – that is me. From what I observe in relationships, I see some needs being met for both women and men. It appears to be a balance that couples come to terms with, I never could. However the field of this balance is biased by patriarchy – in general by the imperialist white supremacist capitalist patriarchy. There is a danger now for some that instead of looking for this balance an absolute ideal is sought. When I grew up the man was master of his own castle, and for some men this maxim became an absolute. Is there now an opposite extreme of #meToo balance? There is no doubt that the alt-right believe this – or at least that is what they espouse. This balance has to be mutually agreed, and if it can’t be agreed then maybe there is no living relationship as Jo decided in the movie The Girl from the Song.

There is nothing greater than love, if you have this then to allow something to get in the way is for me the greatest crime. Within that love the balance of daily life needs to be found – and that is not a given, ask Eric and Jo. The balance is based on conditioning, and it becomes necessary to help each other understand their conditioning. The imperialist white supremacist capitalist patriarchy determines that conditioning, and all people are subject to it. In nature we learn through instinct that produces a conditioned ego, and as we mature we get rid of that ego. However for many people they never see that ego and so as they get older, instead of maturity getting rid of ego, ego entrenches itself.

Love is beyond conditioning but if we don’t see the conditioning of the imperialist white supremacist capitalist patriarchy we are unlikely to have loving relationships. #MeToo does not change that, nor does the guilt of men as that is conditioned response in some.

“MAWPs Fake News” <– Previous Post “G3 NATO ?” Next Post –>

Books:- Treatise, Wai Zandtao Scifi, Matriellez Education.

Blogs:- Ginsukapaapdee, Mandtao, Matriellez.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.