Russell’s 2nd Questions

Posted: 10/03/2018 by zandtao in Freedom, Insight, Struggle, Uncategorized
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These questions are taken from Step 2 of Recovery p77 of 444

He’s gone mad with the questions at this step, I’m not bothering with them all.

Do I believe that I need to change? Yes I do although my ego is ambivalent. My ego steps in and thinks that I am following the path to some extent, isn’t that enough? And the answer to that is no because I am still addicted to self for the “rest”. This ego aspect of apathy is something to be watched out for, but remember self-criticism does not mean “beat myself up”.

Do I accept that change means I must think/feel/act differently? Primarily act differently. In the past I know I should not be addicted to self, but I have allowed it to happen.

Is this change likely to be easy and driven by the ideas I already have, techniques I already use and support system that I already have access to? Such changes are never easy, but the issues are meditation and determination. I know that these are sufficient but I also know addiction takes me back. So as they are they are not sufficient. Things are better today but then tomorrow they may not be.

Here is a change that might help. Timeout. Every time I am going to start a self-activity, I must take timeout and ask “Do I really have to do this?”

What is my conception of a power greater than me? The power greater than me I call Gaia, the unity of the planet’s life and all life on the planet. Buddhadasa calls Gaia the God of Buddhists, Idappaccayata – sunnata. I believe Thay calls it interbeing, and Lao Tse used the word, Tao. Gaia does all kinds of things I can have no knowledge of such as kamma, etc. Gaia “decides” on the path and conditions of my life.

In terms of addiction it is necessary to understand that it is through my power that I change, and to understand where that comes from I use this meme:-

At birth there was no self. During my earlier life through instinct my consciousness attached to the khandas resulting in the self that I called my identity. As this self there was addiction to alcohol, and now there is addiction to selves that I indulge so that I am not always following the path. When I am following the path, I am not being conditioned, I am not addicted to self. When I am free from that conditioning, sunnata empowers me (presence), this sunnata could be called Gaia, Idappaccayata, Interbeing, Unity etc. It was sunnata that guided me on the path, gave me the power to overcome alcoholism, gives me (or not) the power to overcome addiction to self. Sunnata is ever-present but it my failure to overcome addiction to self that disempowers me.

That “power” sunnata is ever-present. It is a “power” far greater than I could imagine or have access to, but there is greater “power” that I could have access to if I could be assed. That “power” is not me, that “power” is sunnata, and if I were not addicted I could have access to it. But that “power” is beyond comprehension and cannot be measured, it is however there for me to access if I follow the path, if I can be bothered to remove addiction.

Do I have doubt about this “power”? None. That is why it is so senseless that I am sometimes addicted to self. There is no excuse. It is mind in life.

Mantra:- Don’t let the ego addict you, follow the path.

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