This zazen is taking its toll on my body.
OK I’m 64 in 2 days, and I’ve not always looked after myself. But for 9 years now I have been on a cheewajit diet – vegan and fish. I have not always been healthy in that time. I went through periods of healing, and thought things would be good only to find at the end of the healing that I had a chronic lung problem, a problem I still have when there is wind. But I am active and mostly OK.
I mentioned in a recent blog what I considered was balancing matching the therapeutic treatment for my knee and resulting problems. But what’s going on is far more than that. I remember when doing Tai Chi, and the instructor, Brian, talking about 10 points of alignment and lungs dropping. The zazen is working mind and body dropping so maybe that is what it is. But there is all kinds of stuff happening including a certain amount of gasping at breath – my lung issue.
Over the years I have used “letting-go” techniques, especially when I let go of Nancy when I was in Nyanga. I have used these since letting go of any small amount of stress that arose during retirement. I am surprised to feel that there is much that is not “aligned” – except for the knee and its consequences.
Yet there is still more than this going on as there is weirdness at night. In the middle of the night I woke up it wasn’t a nightmare, and then I thought about being trapped in an enclosed coffin – a bit like George Clooney in . A huge localised fear came over me, and then I thought about not being attached and free from fear – and it went. The previous night I had woken as if there was a shell all around me – as if separating, and then I said “there is no me” and it went. I put all of this down to the zazen; good stuff.
I suppose this is all dropping mind and body – maybe I just want that. I hope I keep it up, it is hard but what good must it be doing.