Posted: 07/02/2016 by zandtao in Meditation, Zen

Zazen meditation is so different and that much harder – when I say harder the time seems so much longer. Previously my meditation was just about clearing the mind, and then I would get the mind to do something like Brahma-Viharas. The mind was always active, calm the concoctions of sankhara – intellect, and then focus on something beneficial. It was letting-go of chatting intellect but then positive intellect.

Zazen is just sitting, and it is slowwwww …. What do I do? Not thinking. If I do think I think letting go of mind and body but I try not to think of that. My eyes are open – rule, I don’t like that. Every so often they want to close. Today I dozed in my study chair before meditation, yet during meditation my eyes wanted to close and it felt like sleep coming. It wasn’t a sleep need, between 12 and 12 (I started zazen at 12.30pm) I probably had 10 hours sleep. The other thing is balance. Balance is a big problem for me at present because of the balance problems caused by locked knee (see below). Balance keeps coming up.

I am writing this straight after zazen and I feel like dozing now.

For completeness I should talk about methodology. I have my usual posture issues because of my knee so ignore those requirements (see below). In Brad’s book “Sex Sin and Zen” there is a short appendix on zazen, saying zazen is just sitting and not thinking. The methodology is covered in Fukan ZazenGi so I have put it on the Shobogenzo page. I started yesterday in which I forced two sessions – so that is a good improvement. Because the methodology requires the discipline it is better, I don’t know why I didn’t force myself twice before. Previously my mind was too active to do an evening session, and I just put that down to daily life and accepted it. Now there is the discipline so I am doing it …. so far.

“Below:- I locked my knee playing football when I was 15; this might have been as a result of running down Edale and twisting my knee on a clump. After the knee locked it was in a huge bandage, and there was physio but I didn’t try properly and never straightened it. It took me until 3 years ago to realise that.

Basically I didn’t understand my knee was still locked. Every so often I would lock my knee by jerking, this is what I thought. In reality what the jerking was doing was further locking the knee – only more drastic and with pain. When I was 18 I was physically a complete wreck – drunk and unfit. I would sit up and jerk the knee. I visited a specialist, and he told me there was nothing that could be done other than removing the cartilage – and get rheumatism. Young me said get rid, but fortunately 45 years ago doctors and parents could still make decisions for kids (18-year-old kids).

A few years ago a massage Grannie said she could fix it. I went to her and she improved it – I found movement I had never had for 40 years, but she didn’t fix it completely. Then I found Boonyeun, a physiologist, and he worked on it improving it even more. Now a physiologist sees the body as an integrated muscle system, and he tinkers all over the left side of my body. Because I had favoured my left knee, I had closed up the hip joint and maybe more. Boonyeun is opening this up and so I am feeling uncomfortable walking as my body tries to adjust. This is the balance I am feeling in zazen.

Books:- Treatise, Wai Zandtao Scifi, Matriellez Education.

Blogs:- Ginsukapaapdee, Matriellez.

  1. […] mentioned in a recent blog what I considered was balancing matching the therapeutic treatment for my knee and resulting […]

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