I mentioned the shared experience of Unity, and how we can learn by the experiences of others to avoid traps; I mentioned particularly the intellectual trap – the intellectual self. Online the intellect mentioned “insight (analysis)”, and had repeated same previously, this is an ouch. Here are the definitions for insight, by definition it is something separate from analysis:-
• Insight – the capacity to gain an accurate and deep intuitive understanding of a person or thing.
As has happened previously reason has appropriated for itself something that is not reason. I had been questioned by this intellect about insight, at the time he did not define his terms; now I can see why – well I knew really.
I had a bad night as I kept waking up thinking about this, I was happy at finding this contradiction. There was clearly ego on my part involved in this. I have battled with intellect all my life, battled the intellects who negate my experience which I describe amongst others as insight. Understandably I have an ego because of the defending. It might be understandable but I have to let go of it. I felt good that the intellect trap of defining terms had trapped the intellect but in reality it has to be very difficult for the intellect; he is older than me as well so even harder. He knows my blog but I think I have the right here, but I will not be confronting him online; it has to be uncomfortable enough for him now.
I have to be more humble, the feelings that kept me awake were not good feelings. I felt good but they were not good feelings. If you look at those feelings properly there was a pleasure – I felt pleasure – because the intellect had been defeated in his own terms. But in reality I should feel empathy because the intellect will have to struggle with his own contradictions, and as intellect is so important to him that struggle has to cause pain. I will not pursue the point, and let him address the issue again if he chooses.
And I have to look at my own pleasure. Remember the grubby times in Sevenoaks, sleep destroyed by drink – then hitting bottom, running to Sale, wandering streets of Sale and Manchester as an empty shell – partly envious at office parties in pubs yet knowing I didn’t belong for the first time, then somehow crawling back to London to that trashy job in Hounslow. I now recall one of the conditions I wanted for that job was that it was not to be academic; still it was, I had discipline but did the job, completely disliked what I was doing, returning to the Chiswick loft, roaming up and down Chiswick High Road, meditating and yoga for the first time just to get through the day, starting with caring with the mongol kids, and after a period of 6 months my life was on track as a housefather and the Arts Centre. I don’t wish that turmoil on anyone, and yet shamefully last night I felt pleasure. At least by the end I was thinking about meditating on humility.
I now realise this blog was about two intellectual traps, one was my own arrogance.